We all remember the story of Goldilocks. She wanders into a house, tries three bowls of porridge, three chairs, and three beds. One is too hot, one is too cold. One is too hard, one is too soft. But eventually, she finds the one that is "just right."
While Goldilocks might have been breaking and entering, she was actually conducting the world’s first culture audit. Her assessment wasn't about preference; it was about sustainability. She was asking, "Is this environment conducive to me thriving?"
In the workplace, leaders often swing between extremes. We see the authoritarian "Too Hard" approach that stifles creativity, or the permissive "Too Soft" approach where accountability goes to die. But the most effective leadership styles are found right in the middle. This is Just-Right Leadership—a balance of high expectations and high support that creates the perfect temperature for teams to succeed.
We’ve all worked for the "Too Hard" leader. This style relies heavily on command and control. Policies are rigid, communication flows one way (down), and mistakes are punished rather than explored.
On the surface, this might look like a tight ship. But if you look at your team engagement metrics, the cracks start to show.
When leadership is "Too Hard," fear becomes the dominant motivator. Employees stop taking risks. Innovation halts because no one wants to be the nail that sticks out and gets hammered down. While you might get compliance, you lose commitment. People in a silent culture where psychological safety is non-existent are often physically present, but mentally, they are already checked out.
I was once yelled out and reprimanded by the CEO of the property management company I worked on the very morning I returned from maternity leave. He was PISSED that I had the audacity to add 2 extra weeks of leave, even though it was approved by my property owner. I still remember what he said, “You girls don’t get to decide. I’m the CEO of this company. Next time, you ask.”
The result? I mentally checked out and then proceeded to get them fired. I told the owner and she cancelled their management agreement. When a new company was hired, I stayed with the building. I am guessing it cost them around 500k to treat me like shit.
Signs your leadership might be "Too Hard":
You do most of the talking in meetings.
Your team rarely brings you bad news or challenges your ideas.
Turnover is high, specifically among your high performers.
On the flip side, we have the "Too Soft" leader. This leader wants everyone to be happy. They prioritize harmony above all else, often at the expense of clarity and accountability.
I remember stepping into a classroom early in my career where a previous teacher had been "Too Soft." The kids loved her because she was lax, but they hadn't learned a thing and their behavior had gone feral. The room was chaotic. Without boundaries, anxiety actually spiked because the students didn't know what was expected of them. It took me two weeks, but I was able to apply “Just-Right Leadership” and got them back on track. So back on track, in fact, other teachers, staff and the principal noticed the improvement. I tell you - they were so off the hook.
In a business setting, "Too Soft" leadership looks like avoiding difficult conversations, tolerating toxic behavior to "keep the peace," or failing to set clear goals. While it feels nice initially, it eventually erodes trust in leadership. High performers get frustrated picking up the slack for underperformers, and the team loses its sense of direction.
Signs your leadership might be "Too Soft":
You struggle to give constructive feedback.
Deadlines are treated as suggestions rather than commitments.
Confusion about roles and responsibilities is common.
Just-Right Leadership isn't about compromise; it's about integration. It’s the sweet spot where you care personally and challenge directly. It is creating a container that is firm enough to hold the team together but flexible enough to allow for growth.
This approach is rooted in psychological safety. Amy Edmondson, who coined the term, defines it as "a belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes."
Just-Right leaders understand that safety doesn't mean comfort. It means it’s safe to be uncomfortable. It’s safe to stretch, to fail, and to learn.
When you get this balance right, your culture analytics will reflect it. You’ll see higher retention, increased innovation, and a team that takes ownership of their work.
High Standards + High Support
You can have incredibly high expectations for your team, as long as you provide the scaffold they need to reach them. "Too Hard" leaders set the bar high and walk away. "Just-Right" leaders set the bar high and say, "Here is the ladder, and I’m holding it for you."
Consistent Accountability
Fairness builds trust. When rules and expectations are applied inconsistently, anxiety rises. Just-Right leaders are predictable. Your team should know exactly where the line is and what happens when they cross it. This consistency is one of the most underrated employee retention strategies.
Relatable Authority
You don't have to be a robot to be a boss. You can be human. You can admit when you don’t know the answer. You can laugh. But you also need to be the one who makes the tough calls when necessary. It’s about being a person first and a boss second, without forgetting that you are the boss.
So, how do we calibrate our own leadership thermostat?
Start by looking at the data. Team engagement metrics are your best friend here. Are your engagement scores low on "clarity of expectations" (Too Soft)? Or are they low on "I feel free to express my opinions" (Too Hard)?
Ask your team for feedback. It takes courage, but asking, "Do you feel supported enough to do your best work?" or "Are expectations clear?" can reveal which way you lean.
Remember, Goldilocks didn’t find the perfect bowl of porridge on the first try. It took trial and error. Leadership is the same. You might need to tighten up in some areas and loosen the reins in others.
When you commit to this balanced approach, the payoff is huge. You build a resilient culture where people bring their full selves to work. You create an environment where joy and productivity coexist.
"Just-Right" leadership proves that you don't have to choose between being respected and being liked. When you lead with clarity and empathy, you get both.
Are you leading too hot, too cold, or just right? Take a moment this week to reflect on your style. Better yet, ask your team. Their answer might be the most valuable feedback you get all year.